Jacob Taylor Calls Garrus Vakarian a “Cuttlebone”

Jacob Taylor in Mass Effect 2So. There I was, playing as my Renegade/Infiltrator FemShep, and romancing Jacob Taylor out of pity.  Seriously, you have to feel a bit sorry for the guy – with almost every Mass Effect 2 fangirl out there drooling over Garrus Vakarian or Thane Krios, Jacob barely receives any love. I thought that maybe this FemShep of mine could spare him some, just to save his dignity. But then, our favorite xenophilia-inducing turian kept tugging on my heartstrings like a little puppy dog begging to be taken out for a walk. GODDAMMIT, GARRUS. Interestingly, I finally got the “love triangle” dialogue that I’ve seen other people mention online. It amused me so much that I figured I’d transcribe it for posterity. The bits of Shepard’s dialogue that are in parenthesis indicate the “unspoken” lines that you choose from the dialogue options menu.

Garrus: Shepard. Need me for something?
Shepard: (Just want to talk.) Have you got a minute?
*Garrus shuts the Main Battery’s door. Shepard smirks.*
Garrus: Yeah. I’ve been thinking about what we’ve talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension.
Garrus: I’ve never considered cross-species intercourse. And damn, saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel dirty and clinical.
Garrus: But I don’t want to jeopardize the mission with some stupid love triangle. I know you’ve got other options.
Shepard: (I don’t want other options.) There’s not going to be a love triangle. I’m choosing you, Garrus.
Garrus: That’s…not what I expected to hear. Not that I’m complaining.
Garrus: Well, pass the word. I don’t want anyone on this ship nursing grudges. When you’re free and clear… I’ll be around.

And of course, when I “passed the word” to Jacob, he shot back with some really nasty dialogue. Nasty to the point that it actually includes some name-calling that may be borderline racist against turians in general:

Jacob: Commander. Can I help you with something?
Shepard: (Let’s just talk personal.) Let’s just talk for a bit. Unofficial. You and me.
Jacob: Figured we were good, Shepard. Not going too hard, not pushing. There something I should be concerned about?
Jacob: We’ve got a good thing going here. Something I’d like to see through. Hope you feel the same.
Shepard: (I’m calling it off.) This was a bad idea. I think we should call it quits.
Jacob: You pushed for more, and now you pull the plug? Hope you’ve got a good excuse for this one.
Shepard: (I’m interested in Garrus.) If you must know, I’m cleaning house before trying to start something with Garrus.
Jacob: That cuttlebone? I suppose you have a history. That’s usually enough.
Jacob: All right, Shepard. You want to pretend this makes it okay, I can do that. A nice official wall.
Jacob: Go do what you want. I don’t need the hassle.

“Do what you want”? Dangerous words, Mr. Taylor, because I want to use my Renegade FemShep’s  M-98 Widow Anti-Material Rifle to blast you a new bunghole for calling Garrus a “cuttlebone”. Bah. So much for not having anyone “nursing grudges” and having sympathy for the bastard who doesn’t get any fangirl love. EDIT: Someone with means to record videos from Mass Effect 2 finally noticed the “cuttlebone” scene and uploaded a video! Thanks for uploading this, Coombsi!

15 thoughts

    1. Kaidan v2.0

      THIS. I completely agree! Go back to your time-out corners and cry whiny boys, my FemShep has no time to deal with the likes of you!

      And I don’t really care if Jacob has a hot body if his face is fugly and his attitude/background sucks. Talk about a big time shrimp.

        1. Well, IDK, there aren’t a lot of good-looking guys in the ME series… for me, at least. Everyone looks average/ugly/alien.

          …it’s also possible that Jacob just got uglier because of the “cuttlebone” comment. I’m too protective of Garrus, LOL. XD

  1. I find it interesting how Jacob is almost universally ignored by ME2 female players. In fact, many leap frog for the 2 aliens over him — a fit, well-adjusted human.

    I sense some deeply veiled racism here. If he was a white guy (or even not black) how much you wanna bet there would be more romance attempts — even if reluctantly.

    It also doesn’t help that Bioware that did not write him as well.

    1. Well, I wouldn’t know about the “deeply veiled racism” – I leap-frogged over him AND Thane because I’ve liked Garrus since the first Mass Effect, which I find is the usual case with other Garrus fangirls.

      It might be a good idea to take a look at Kaidan, who isn’t black, and see how many fangirls he has compared to Garrus, or even Wrex. Poorly written characters who are whiny and annoying as hell = very little to no lovin’.

  2. I’ve never played ME, but imo Jacob’s not bad looking, really. If he’s a douchebag tho, well… personality is 60% of attraction.

    1. personality is 60% of attraction

      IAWTC. I never really thought Jacob was ugly before – I just thought he was plain and boring, LOL.

  3. I really like the idea of romancing Jacob and pusued it with much enthusiasm – so I think the the ‘veiled racism’ is BS. But then he doesn’t want to open up to you and when you decide to back off he gets really shitty and nasty – more than any other character. It seems to me its the human males in ME that get annoyed the most (think Kaidan/Liara stand off in ME1 – he is way more aggressive if you reject him than if you reject Liara).

    1. I’m glad you pointed that Kaidan thing out – I barely even remember how he reacted when my FemShep turned him (and Liara shortly afterward) down. Maybe the writers figured that the having-difficulty-coping-with-rejection thing makes them more “human”? LOL.

  4. I agree. I was actually MORE interested in Jacob at first because he was black. When ME2 first came out I was falling over myself with THREE LIs that I thought I would like. He was fine at first during the Cerberus base bit, but then once you get on the Normandy he clams up on you. I thought where did the interesting Jacob go? After that he never had anything else interesting to say. My problem with him was that he was extremely boring. I never romanced him because my interest evaporated. Then I start seeing things about him calling Garrus a cuttlebone and some other rather juvenile theatrics and I actively start to dislike the guy. I really liked Aarin Gend from Neverwinter Nights so I know I don’t have an issue with a black LI. Jacob just can’t compete with Thane or Garrus in for being interesting, I don’t care what race he is.

    1. Jacob just can’t compete with Thane or Garrus in for being interesting, I don’t care what race he is.

      I couldn’t have said it better. Jacob’s being black has nothing to do with it at all. He’s just boring compared to the other love interests, and that’s that.

  5. I’ve not had this dialogue (one, I’ve still not beat the game, and two, I have no plans on romancing Jacob), but God bless those BioWare writers – I could totally hear Garrus’ voice saying all of those lines. Now that’s good writing!

    1. I have no plans on romancing Jacob

      A wise decision. The man is boring as hell, and his romance scene is…yuck. Sure he has a nice bod, but his dialogue makes me snicker every single time.

      And I agree, the BioWare writers are awesome. They put so much personality into the characters’ lines!

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