Video Games

Jacob Taylor Calls Garrus Vakarian a “Cuttlebone”

So. There I was, playing as my Renegade/Infiltrator FemShep, and romancing Jacob Taylor out of pity.  Seriously, you have to feel a bit sorry for the guy – with almost every Mass Effect 2 fangirl out there drooling over Garrus Vakarian or Thane Krios, Jacob barely receives any love. I thought that maybe this FemShep of mine could spare him some, just to save his dignity.

But then, our favorite xenophilia-inducing turian kept tugging on my heartstrings like a little puppy dog begging to be taken out for a walk. GODDAMMIT, GARRUS.

Interestingly, I finally got the “love triangle” dialogue that I’ve seen other people mention online. It amused me so much that I figured I’d transcribe it for posterity. The bits of Shepard’s dialogue that are in parenthesis indicate the “unspoken” lines that you choose from the dialogue options menu.

Garrus: Shepard. Need me for something?
Shepard: (Just want to talk.) Have you got a minute?
*Garrus shuts the Main Battery’s door. Shepard smirks.*
Garrus: Yeah. I’ve been thinking about what we’ve talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension.
Garrus: I’ve never considered cross-species intercourse. And damn, saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel dirty and clinical.
Garrus: But I don’t want to jeopardize the mission with some stupid love triangle. I know you’ve got other options.
Shepard: (I don’t want other options.) There’s not going to be a love triangle. I’m choosing you, Garrus.
Garrus: That’s…not what I expected to hear. Not that I’m complaining.
Garrus: Well, pass the word. I don’t want anyone on this ship nursing grudges. When you’re free and clear… I’ll be around.

And of course, when I “passed the word” to Jacob, he shot back with some really nasty, racist dialogue.

Jacob: Commander. Can I help you with something?
Shepard: (Let’s just talk personal.) Let’s just talk for a bit. Unofficial. You and me.
Jacob: Figured we were good, Shepard. Not going too hard, not pushing. There something I should be concerned about?
Jacob: We’ve got a good thing going here. Something I’d like to see through. Hope you feel the same.
Shepard: (I’m calling it off.) This was a bad idea. I think we should call it quits.
Jacob: You pushed for more, and now you pull the plug? Hope you’ve got a good excuse for this one.
Shepard: (I’m interested in Garrus.) If you must know, I’m cleaning house before trying to start something with Garrus.
Jacob: That cuttlebone? I suppose you have a history. That’s usually enough.
Jacob: All right, Shepard. You want to pretend this makes it okay, I can do that. A nice official wall.
Jacob: Go do what you want. I don’t need the hassle.

CUTTLEBONE?? Bah. So much for not having anyone “nursing grudges” and having sympathy for the bastard who doesn’t get any fangirl love.

EDIT: Someone with means to record videos from Mass Effect 2 finally noticed the “cuttlebone” scene and uploaded a video! Thanks for uploading this, Coombsi!

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